Imagine the absolute worst thought you’ve ever had in your life. While there aren’t many guarantees in this world, I can guarantee that I thought something as bad, if not worse, regarding my son early on.
I battled with whether or not his life was worth it. I asked myself what was the meaning of life. And the best I could come up with (stemming from a discussion with one of his neurologists) was that there needed to be some level of enjoyment and some level of connection to others. I wasn’t sure if he would ever have that. For the first three weeks of his life, he laid in a tiny little bed only wearing a diaper. I had literally never met my son as his eyes had never been open while I was in his presence (seizures started 1.5 hours after birth, they took him right away due to temporary difficulties catching his breath, and I was still in bed due to my c-section). Again I’m literally crying as I share this.
The first time I saw him open one eye.
The first time he had clothes on.
The first time he was able to take breastmilk through his tube.
The first time the speech therapist gave him breastmilk by mouth.
The first time I was able to hold him (without needing the help of 4 nurses).
The first time he was in an actual crib.
Mostly, I just cried.
Nothing was the way it was “supposed to be” and nothing was the way I had imagined.
All I could do was pray…
This week’s music meditation: PRAY by Santcus Real
This week’s scripture: Philippians 4:6
Don’t Worry about anything, instead PRAY about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done.
This Week’s Image: